In the Under the Couch book series, two young brothers, Spencer and Justin, go on fun and sometimes dangerous adventures in magical worlds. The books were written for reluctant readers, and some will recognize themselves in these characters, especially if they struggle with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), anxiety, or dyslexia.
As a mother, I didn’t believe my oldest had ADHD. Teachers noticed it, but I didn’t understand the condition and thought it meant someone was hyperactive or unruly. Looking back, I realize I missed … or misinterpreted … the symptoms with my son.
My son was relatively well-behaved in elementary school. He wasn’t hyperactive or overly impulsive. He was, after all, an active boy. But I learned from teachers that he was inattentive in class. He would frequently yawn and zone out. I thought he was bored; he didn’t like school. What kid likes sitting in class all day? And I knew he especially struggled with certain subjects or teachers. I assumed he was an energetic boy who wanted to be outside playing sports.
I didn’t understand the symptoms because I don’t have ADHD. But he does.
Here are some of the signs I missed:
Disorganization:
My son would forget to bring the right book home from school that he needed for a homework assignment. He’d lose his homework. He’d forget about an assignment and then rush to complete it at the last minute. His backpack was a disaster, and his room was messy. He had a disorganized mind.
I thought he was being lazy or undisciplined. I took charge and spent time looking at the school homework sites – creating lists of what he needed to do each week. I was trying to force him to stay organized. In retrospect, I should have taught him how to do this rather than do it for him so he would have learned the important skills.
My son did better in classes with organized teachers and structured classes. If there was a pattern to the homework or tests, it was easier for him to follow, compared to the teachers who had less structure or who were also disorganized. Structure and routine help an unfocused or disorganized mind.
Hyperfocus:
I didn’t think my son had ADHD because he could focus on some things. When he was younger, he could sit and play with Legos for half a day. He had no issues organizing his Yu-gi-oh trading cards or playing video games for hours. But he couldn’t spend more than a minute on something he disliked. It took him forever to read a few pages from his social studies book. Again, I thought he was being lazy. I’d tell him to try harder.
According to the psychologist, the “H” in ADHD could be for hyperfocus instead of hyperactivity. Hyperfocus is characterized by intense concentration on an activity for extended periods of time. Often, the person is so engrossed in the topic that they block out what is happening around them.
👉 https://www.additudemag.com/understanding-adhd-hyperfocus
Difficulty following multi-step instructions:
As a strong multi-tasker, I assumed everyone was. On weekends, I’d have eight different projects happening at the same time. Then, I would ask my son to take his shoes and backpack to his room, and while there, grab his dirty clothes and bring them to the laundry room. And I’d add that he should bring his waste basket down, too. Then I’d get the washer ready, fill the soap container, and wait for his dirty clothes. Finally, I’d go to my son’s room, tripping on his shoes on the way, to see why he hadn’t done what I asked. He’d be on his bed playing on his phone. When I’d ask in frustration what he was doing, he’d look at me with a blank face. I thought he was being defiant, lazy, or wasn’t listening to me. He’d tell me that he didn’t remember me asking him to do anything but take his backpack to his room.
I learned that I had to break tasks down into bite-sized pieces for him. For my son, it was like I threw several balls at him at the same time. He’d maybe catch one of the balls and let the others drop. You throw one ball at a time, and the odds are good your child will catch it.
Fidgeting:
While he wasn’t disruptive in class, he was fidgety and had trouble sitting still. He had to play with a pen or have something in his hands. Using fidget or squeezable toys helped him focus a little better in class.
Mood Swings:
Boys struggling with ADHD can feel frustrated or misunderstood when school or sports may not be as easy for them as it is for their friends. My son had trouble paying attention in baseball but loved the fast pace of hockey. Baseball moved too slowly for him. Similarly, he couldn’t pay attention in class and missed key information.
After my son met with a well-known clinical psychologist, he told me that he finally felt like someone understood him. She knew what he was going through and how it impacted his emotions. What I took for moodiness was his struggle or frustration.
In addition, the psychologist taught me that ADHD is often associated with several comorbidities, like anxiety disorders, learning issues, depression, and other mood disorders. At least 60% of people with ADHD have at least one comorbid condition.
👉 https://www.mentalhealth.com/library/adhd-comorbidity
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I misinterpreted the ADHD symptoms in my son. I passed them off as my son being lazy, moody, not listening, or being a typical boy. But he had real struggles from a real condition that interfered with most aspects of his life. I’m no expert with neurodevelopmental disorders, but I am grateful for the information and resources available to help families develop strategies and plans to address the condition. Once you know what you are dealing with, and have a plan to address the issues, it’s a little easier for you to help your child have a happier and more fulfilled life.
👉 https://chadd.org/for-teens/adhd-in-teens-and-children/
👉 https://www.cdc.gov/ncbddd/adhd/facts.html
👉https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/publications/attention-deficit-hyperactivity-disorder-what-you-need-to-know